The clothes, the posture, the body: The naked self.

I began in the studio with a suitcase full of clothes, signifying pieces that stood out in my over-crowded wardrobe of goodwill finds and Target deals. I selected my rhinestone studded prom dress, a fifties housewife shift and a modern flower patterned dress whose shape suggesting an older era. I put the clothes on in front of the lights and a self timer and began to interpret. Alone in the studio, I let my whole mind and body be a part of the clothing. Who wears this garment? How does she wear this garment? What restrictions, both physically and socially, are placed on a woman wearing this piece of cloth. What can a piece of cloth do to a person? What can I do to this pliable material that simultaneously binds our bodies and frees our expression? I created images about women, for women.

John Berger writes "a woman's presence expresses her own attitude to herself, and defines what can and cannot be done to her. Her presence is manifest in her gestures, voice, opinions, expressions, clothes, chosen surrounds, taste –– indeed there is nothing she can do which does not contribute to her presence."

Throughout several subsequent photo shoots, I watched my body and mind react differently with each garment. Some outfits conjured action easier then others. Some outfits feel more natural to my everyday experiences and aspirations. But every pose, every personal glance, every moment of self confidence stems from within and then is placed on the exterior through the expression of my body. Does my self confidence change from the more revealing outfit to the more modest? Does my body language tell you that I am part of my experience? Do I look like I'm in control of my own representation?

In these pictures, I am both the object and the subject but for several reasons, I try to reject objectification. Yes, I realize that I will always appear as an object to some, but it is my intent that that impression does not start with me. I think it is important to note, that there is no mirror in the room. I am not checking my hair on a regular basis or re-applying make up. These aren't a part of my daily habits and I wasn't about to bring them into my artistic space.

Berger's text also talks about the difference between the naked woman and the nude woman in a historical art context. The naked woman is herself, with all her flaws. She would recognize herself in the positions she is portrayed in and her uniqueness would transfer to the audience through the image. In contrast, the nude woman is ideal. She is generalized for a mass audience. Her body is smoothed out and her gesture is without spontaneity, for surprise isn't as titillating for optimum arousal. The audience wants to be comfortable in seeing what they have seem many times before, not forced to contemplate a new patch of hair or an awkward lump.

For all intensive purposes, I appear metaphorically naked in these photographs. In some regard, I have no choice but to appear this way. I do not possess the ideal body or perfect skin, things needed in order to be generalized. But I take more control then that. Not wanting to rest on my looks, I quite frequently appear in unflattering, self assured and possibly confrontational positions. My face takes little interest in arousing the viewer, and at times has a more inquisitive nature. I am not nude. I am not generalized. And even if there is beauty in these photographs, I am not letting my image be controlled by a preconceived stereotype.

But no statement of selfhood can be distilled so easily. I have absorbed our culture. I am a part and product of how I grew up. I cannot escape wanting to feel good about myself. I can't deny the constant struggle I have with my body to conform to the generalized image. So with all the self confidence I can muster I say, "Although I am comfortable being me, their is a small part of myself that will never give up wanting to be 'her'."

Self Portraits cont. cont.

I seem to have lost some of my energy in this second batch. I need a little direction but I haven't found it yet.

Self Portraits continued

These images were originally taken to apply to the linens, but are starting to take on a life of their own. More thoughts on this later.

Self Portrait on Linens

With these three objects, I am working with the tensions between the old model of femininity, the new model and how two still are continuing to butt heads and affect the modern woman's dress. I'm using the cloths to express aspects of women, but also how the cloths "make the WOman." Each outfit speaks to different physical restraints and implications of the wearer. I'm exploring all my options within my garments, as modern women seek to explore all their options and how their dress plays a crucial role in how they live life.

In the Midst of Chaos there is Clarity and Other Bullshit

I've spent the majority of the weekend remaking my balloon video (which I realize is still not posted. I will put the most recent version on the web today or tomorrow). In the most recent version, I made a longer "dress" of balloons. Also, I wore a nude tank top and nylons as a base, verses a black tank top and black leggings. The nude colored undergarments emphasized the "dress" aspect of the balloon outfit, transforming it into a real garment.

The idea of the over-inflated, difficult to wear garment started to wear on my mind. As women, we put ourselves through physical rigors to wear the latest uncomfortable fashions. We buy expensive, non-practical clothing because it is beautiful, not because of it's comfort. I think my balloon dress is speaking to the difficulties and the impracticalities of dressing.

At the end of the video, I take of the dress and leave it in the frame. I have relaxed into my "natural state" and no longer have to negotiate the ridiculous fashion of the day. I leave the dress with it's own debris. They deserve each other.

Stills of the debris.

Things I learned this weekend: The Gold Nuggets

Dear Friends. I am writing to tell you what I have learned over the course of the weekend. I am choosing to see all of this wonderful new information as nuggets of gold that I have inherited after many hours of endurance... not as the product of blood, sweat and yes....tears.

Balloons: can be found at any one of these stores: Jo Anne's, Target, Dollar Store and CVS. They range in size and color. A lot have HAPPY BIRTHDAY written on them. If you're lucky, they have multiple packs in stock. Balloons make your fingers very dry and dirty. And as a result of having dry dirty fingers, sometimes they bleed. I BLED FOR ART this weekend, people. Seriously.


Video Equipment: There are new JVC HD video camera's available at the cage. Please note that very few people know how to use these cameras, so you will be left to your own devices. That being said, I figured out that...to put the camera in full manual mode you need to press down the full auto button for just a moment, not for a long time, not twice. Just a moment. Also, you cannot record video unless you have a 16GB class 6 card. Not a class 4 or a 8 GB class 10 (if you buy this card from Best Buy, open it up, cut the packaging and try it out and then realize it is worthless, Best Buy will take it back!!!!). The 16 GB class 6 card are not available at Best Buy.

Canon 5D Mark 11. This camera might have saved my life. Scratch might and replace with did. It takes three buttons to make a video and I could use the 4 GB Extreme 111 card I already had. The buttons to happiness are (1) the button to the left of the viewfinder changes switches the camera into liveview/video mode (2) The button to the right of the viewfinder label AF auto focuses on your subject enabling you to shoot (3) The set button, or the button in the middle of the dial begins recording. Leave some time at the end of the video before you stop recording, if you don't you might not be able to view the footage at the end of your recording. After about a minute of idling, the camera automatically changes back to camera mode. All of these things were generally easy to do once I figured them out was generally very easy to use. The audio is adequate. I highly recommend experimenting.

Studio and after hours:You can sign up for after hours up to an hour before it's time to turn your keys in, but you must look very desperate and sad to pull this off, so plan ahead if you don't want to put your defeated face on. After hours on Saturday means that I had access to the studio all Sat. night and all day Sunday. WONDERFUL!!! This also meant that I need to arrive at school by 7:30 to return everything I checked out. Note: You do not have to leave your strobes set up for inspection. In fact, nobody checks your studio. Your keys are due to the 3rd Floor cage by 7:30, not the 4th Floor like you would expect. Then you should turn in your studio equipment around 7:45. Immediately after this, head down to the 3rd floor cage and turn in your camera equipment. You must do all of this in that order to not get docked. They do not tell you any of this in the cage "orientation."

I hope this was informational for all my RIT co-patriots. Carry on soldiers.

Tracey Emin: Thoughts on her most recent show

My love for Tracey Emin continues to grow by the handfuls, so I was thrilled when she was showing at the same time I was in NYC. She showed in the Lower East Side, it was my mother and I's only reason for venturing that far down into the city... other then Katz's Deli and their pastrami sandwich and homemade pickles....

Her show situated itself on the wall and took on 3 of her classic forms of working, printmaking, embroidery on fabric, and neon word signs. I walked quickly past her prints, looking into each one of them but failing to take any interest.The subject matter: Emin's vagina rendered in a very sloppy way, often accompanied by backwards words. They were all the same, reinforcing an idea she has been working and reworking for many years. The prints are no longer surprising or edgy, but redundant. I moved on. What caught my eye was a large scale tapestry.


photo taken with a iPhone... sorry for the quality.

I admired the beauty, the craftsmanship, the intricacy and the obviously restraint. I loved how the essence of Emin's thoughts were contained in this one piece.

Nothing touches...with flowers splaying forth from her. Emin may be in the white dress but nobody asked her to get in it. She is wearing it but it has nothing to do with be married. In fact, it has everything to do with not being married, not being in love and not being content.

But perhaps this isn't Emin's point. Maybe it's mine and she got their first. Lately, I've been working out the notion of female desire to have it all; high powered career, kids, husband, friends, sex life, physical perfection, money, home. Enim is certainly desirous... but she admits that she doesn't have it all. In fact, it seems that what Emin has in spades is repetitive, deep-sewn anger. And I'm am increasingly interested in where that came from, not only in Emin, but in women in general. In a time where women can have it all, what are we missing?